Joint or Separate Bank Accounts in Marriage

Have you ever heard or used the phrase “What's yours is mine and what's mine is yours"? Well, in some relationships, this isn't how things really are. Some relationships operate on the premise of "What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine." This type of thinking is one of the root causes for many of the  financial problems that couples are facing in relationships. Many people in relationships adapt the idea “I work hard for my money so I do with it as I please.” However, not telling your partner what you do with your money is what some refer to as financial infidelity.

We are living in a time when both men and women in relationships are usually hard-working individuals. Who holds the traditional "breadwinner" role may not be clear in some relationships. These days, both men and women alike aim to be financially independent. While dating, couples are comfortable enough to talk about almost everything including sex, future plans, goals, where to live, children, hopes, and dreams. However, when it comes to money, for some reason it all of a sudden gets uncomfortable.

These days, some couples share everything but their money and what they do with it. These couples usually have an idea about each other’s financial situation and, based on that, they divide bills around the house. It is not uncommon to see couples decide who pays the light bill, mortgage or rent, groceries and any other number of bills and living expenses, without ever really knowing each other’s salary. This is where problems tend to begin and, along with them, the idea that one partner in the relationship should take care of the financial needs of the household. We want one partner to use THEIR money to pay for most bills, since they are “the breadwinner.”  And the other partner wants to use their own money to do whatever they want with it. This situation is an equation for inequality and for other problems in a relationship.

In an ideal situation, partners in a relationship should have at least one joint bank account. This account would be where 99% of the joint income goes, and where the bills are paid out of. Each partner would still be free to have a private bank account with their spending money in it, but that spending money would be equally distributed after the bills are paid. There should be an awareness of each other’s salary and of where the money is going.

Some people seem to be oblivious to the fact that money is an important part of every relationship. When appropriate, don’t be afraid to talk about money, especially when considering marriage.

A wise man once said that relationships are dependent on 4 C’s: Communication, Commitment, Compromise, and Currency. All are equally important to the success of a relationship.

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Work vs. Home: The Epic Battle of Time

Back in your grandparents' time, a man was just expected to bring home the bacon and was excused from being too hands-on in the child-rearing department. Today’s men are expected to not only be a provider, but also a highly involved parent. These two demands can burn out even the strongest of men. Here are a few suggestions on how to be a corporate warrior and a super dad at the same time.

Have family dinner. Studies have shown children from families that have meals together do better in school and are less likely to get involved with drugs. Make it home each evening to have dinner with your family. If this means getting to work extra early in the morning, so be it. If you can get home early enough, cook dinner with your kids. At mealtime, ask about what’s going on in your kid’s life. Pose questions designed to stimulate genuine discussion.

Leave work at work. Obviously, this is not always going to be possible; sometimes you’ll need to continue your work at home. But during dinnertime, bath time, story time, and any other time in which you are focusing on your kids, turn off the cell phone and tablet.

Take each kid out once a month for dad time. Each month, set aside a “date night” for each kid. Take them out individually and do something they enjoy. It’s a great way to get one-on-one time with each kid and ensure that jealousy between siblings remains in check.

Limit work on weekends and holidays. Devote your time off from work to your family. Sure, you’ll have to spend time doing chores and running errands to get ready for the next week, but try to get your children involved with those tasks. Six hands pulling weeds are better than two.

Use your vacation. Many American workers are taking less and less of their vacation time. Don’t be one of these people. Use your two weeks and take your family to Disneyland or on a camping adventure in a National Park. Don’t bring along your laptop or Blackberry. Or just make it a staycation, meaning stay at home and focus on the family, again keep the laptop and Blackberry off. Family vacations will be some of your kids’ best childhood memories. Don’t deny them these experiences by being a work-a-holic.

Schedule a weekly Family Night. Make this a non-negotiable date, and schedule all other activities around it. Some ideas for family night are playing board games, watching a video, or going out and getting some ice cream.

Tuck your kids in bed and read them a book. Bedtime routines aren’t just for young toddlers and babies. Even when your kid gets older, make it a tradition to read with them. You can move on from “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” to “Treasure Island” as they grow up. This will help build priceless memories with your children.

Don’t forget the Mrs. While the focus of this article is about balancing work with your kids, make sure to focus time on your wife, too. One piece of advice that I hear over and over again from people is if you want to be a good father, then be an awesome husband. Call a babysitter and take your wife out on a date. Make time every day to talk to each other. Right before bed when the kids are asleep is a good time. And don’t let work or being a dad get in the way of your sex life with your wife.